What Dick Said

January 27, 2014

“The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers,” is uttered by Dick the Butcher in Shakespeare’s Henry the Sixth. I don’t think I read that one, but the line is sure ringing in my head right now. I am sure there are some good lawyers out there. My dad is a lawyer, and he is one of my favorite people in the world, but truth be told, he should not have been a lawyer. He should have been an actor. He is handsome, with a deep resonant voice, and a french accent. He is debonair. And he’s funny. I bet he was great in court, but he should have been Perry Mason. If he had starred on LA Law, it would still be on. But I digress…

Here’s a joke… How many lawyers does it take to write a check? Answer: None. They only know how to cash them. Ba-dum-bum.

I know, it’s not funny. True story, I went to court in August 2012, because I was owed 5 months of child support. One year and a new judge later, an order was signed requiring ex-man to place into escrow 6 months of child support in case (haha) he did not send a check each month. Finally, in October 2013, 14 months after I went to court, the escrow was placed in an account with ex-man’s ex-lawyer, who had been acting as the well-paid escrow agent for the horse trust fund. Shockingly, for two months in November and December 2013, I actually received support checks directly from ex-man. This has not happened once in two and a half years. I should have made copies and framed them. Now, it is the end of January, with no child support received, so I requested a check from escrow agent. He won’t write it. He won’t write a child support check for a woman with three children because ex-man’s new lawyer and my lawyer have not been able to settle on how escrow man is going to be paid, and this man won’t work for free, so he has said, repeatedly, ad nauseam. Does anyone think he is really not going to get paid? But he will not write that check. Admittedly, I was given the option to have him get paid out of my son’s summer program escrow fund, but I refused. No one is touching that money. I mean, really, you’re asking my son to pay escrow agent? Quick, how long does it take you to write a check? An hour? Here’s $450.

So, yeah, maybe Dick was right.

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