Shark Week

Last week, my subconscious ran a preview for Shark Week. It came in the form of a dream, and let me tell you, my dreams are not that complicated to analyze. And just when I think, yeah, I’m doing fine, I’ve got this all figured out, my subconscious slams me in the head with a dream to tell me, “You’re messed up.”

So I happened to know that there was going to be a shark feeding frenzy. Have you ever seen a shark feeding frenzy? Terrifying. I saw a picture of one in the encyclopedia when I was 9 and apparently, I never got over it. So, anyhow, I also happened to know that my ex-husband was going to be going snorkling near the feeding frenzy. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Great. Good riddance,” but I was thinking, “Snorkling? He doesn’t even know how to swim!” And then I was thinking, “I have to save him.” This, as you may know, was the theme of much of my marriage. I had to save him, and Lord knows I tried, but you know how that went… So I called him, and called him, and called him, to warn him not to go snorkling with the sharks, but he would not answer my calls, so finally I called his house phone and his girlfriend picked up. His 30 year old girlfriend who could be his daughter, but that’s another story, and I told her to tell ex-man to not go snorkling with sharks. And while I had her on the phone, I told her that since I was saving his life ONCE AGAIN, could she please tell him to pay the child support ON TIME. Got that settled, however, despite the feeding frenzy, the kids and I were going boating. In a tiny boat that sharks could bite into bits. I was ignoring my knowledge of the imminent feeding frenzy, and we were going boating. Sure, I went the extra mile to protect ex-man. In fact, I was so busy trying to save his life that it never occurred to me that my kids and I were in danger. Finally, it hit me. PROTECT YOURSELF. PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN!. And I cancelled our boat trip. Then I woke up.

That’s messed up. That was pretty much my life when I was married to ex-man. I kept trying to save ex-man, all the while, not even being aware of the danger I was putting myself and children in. So that was then. Why this dream now?  Because it’s SHARK WEEK!

Ex-man is back in the picture. He’s been gone for years, 4 miles away, except for texts here and there. Now he’s back, asking to see the children. Of course, they were a little excited. a little curious, and I was a little scared. Scared because my kids, after having pieces of their hearts stomped on and left by the side of the road like they didn’t matter, are doing okay, and I don’t want him to hurt them again. So when my middle one asked what I thought about them seeing their dad, I told her the truth. I told her that I felt like I was letting them go swimming in the ocean, where there was a riptide. Where there was an undertow. But I had to let them go. I had to let them go, even though we know there are sharks out there. So I’ll be standing on the shore, and when they are in danger, when they get pulled under, when they are drowning, I will swim out there and I will save them.